Ipsy is a $10 a month beauty subscription service that includes a makeup bag and five samples. I’ve been subscribed to Ipsy for years now. I think that it’s the most interesting to review because they include a bunch of different products every month instead of giving everyone the same thing. However my last three bags were fucking dreadful. It’s not like I even have high standards for what I receive. The number one reason that I subscribe is because I enjoy having a subscription box to review every month. It’s always fun to chat with everyone about what they got blah blah etc. I don’t even mind if I get a bad bag every now and then because then I get to talk shit and that’s always fun for me. But after the third month of bullshit products that even a junior high girl would reject, it’s time to rethink things. Before I cancel I need to…

1. at least attempt to redeem most of the points that I’ve accumulated

2. find a different subscription to replace it

I also get Popsugar, which I have no intention of cancelling but since it’s not strictly a beauty products box, I only review it on here and not on Instagram. In the past I’ve been subscribed to Boxycharm, Birch Box, Sephora Play, Allure, Glossybox… I think that’s it? I never did Macy’s but every box that I’ve seen has sucked so that’s out. I’m going to do some research and try to find something new and interesting. And now, without further adio, let’s discuss this heap of bullshit I got this month…

So Susan Liquid Matte Lipstick in Pumpkin ($14)- okay so to be fair, I can’t really talk shit on this one because I didn’t actually try it. It might be the best formula in the world (I mean I doubt it but it’s possible). I’ve got an infestation of liquid lippies right now, it’s seriously out of control. So instead of using it once and never again, this went straight to the giveaway box. Hopefully it’ll end up in a good home.

Fré Revive Me Deep Replenishing Serum ($8.50)- the back of this tube says that it’s an ‘anti-aging serum for sweaty skin’. Whaaaaa… I’m already lost. So you’re supposed to use it after a workout to replenish the skin’s moisture. That part makes sense to me. But why sweaty skin? Am I not supposed to wash my face first? My gym is a gigantic, filthy warehouse where I pay an obscene amount of money to jump on wooden box and beat huge tires with a sledgehammer and push my car around the block… but that’s a story for another day. My point is that I leave there covered in grime. I’m supposed to just rub that serum onto my sweaty face sealing in the tire grease and staphylococcus? Because no. And after I shower, I’m not sweaty anymore. The serum itself has a lotion-like consistency, it smells good and it is hydrating. I just can’t co-sign with the concept.

Caviar CC Cream Leave-In Hair Perfector ($10.50)- Eh. This stuff is aight. It smells good and I’ll use it but I’m not over here turning cartwheels with excitement.

The Balm Mary-Lou Manizer ($3)- Hooray! Another pint sized cardboard sample from The Balm! -said no one. Ever. It’s not like The Balm is a bad brand but these microscopic samples are the absolute worst. And over the years I’ve gotten approximately 793 of the damn things. I’ve probably got their entire line in miniature. Not that I’ve ever used a single one. Moving on.

Vasanti Kajal Waterline Eyeliner ($19)- Yay! Just what I’ve always wanted! Another black eye pencil! You know, to go with the 10,000 others that I’ve gotten from ipsy. So I twisted the pencil a few times to take a pic and do a quick swatch. I was actually really impressed because the formula is super black and budge-proof. It’s supposed to a waterline pencil and I’m willing to wager that it has some serious staying power. But I’ll never know for sure because the effing pos DOESN’T TWIST BACK DOWN! Jesus Christ Shepard of Judea. I twisted half the damn pencil up to take the friggin pic and then had to break it off so that I could put the crap back on. Then I threw it at the wall and it rolled under a dresser, never to be seen again.

Ipsy is $10 a month and the retail value of my January bag was $55. Which sounds good but I won’t use most of the products. I think have about 2000 points that I’d really like to redeem, assuming they ever have anything decent and then it’s time to cancel! There’s two boxes that I’ve been eyeballing for awhile, Sisley Paris and Le Metier de Beaute. I might switch to one of them….